Monkey Marauders: Zhangjiajie Part Three

Well, I suppose two weeks after a trip probably isn't the most opportune time to polish off blogging about it, but as my dad often curtly reminds me, "There's nothin' to it but to do it." So, off we go:

We rose around 7, geared up, and followed the previous days' trend of busing to our destination. We decided to make the most of our three day passes and headed back to the national park. We had seen the major attractions but still had much of the park left to explore. I was tired and a little overwhelmed by the rapid salvos of Chinese, so I let Old Man Bryan and our new friends/free tour guides plan the days activities. They hadn't let me down yet, and if Taoist principles teach us anything it's I was feeling lazy. We decided to begin hiking through the more densely wooded area of the park. I personally liked this choice because of the general lack of elevation change (my calves felt like they could explode or implode at any second, I honestly couldn't tell which), and because wild animals often frequent this area of the park.

Even though I started the day out a little grumpy, I was glad we arrived as early as we did. We let the tourists deal with the crowds and took off down the nearly deserted path. A few minutes into the walk, we got to a point in the path where the sun peaked through the trees and the light morning fog. It was an incredible scene, and prompted one of our Chinese friends/free tour guides to use his limited English to tell me, and I quote, "It looks like God." I don't know if he was right or wrong. What I do know is that if these rays of sunshine were God, they disappeared and left us to our own devices fairly quickly. We quickly realized we were in Monkey Territory.

I was so excited to see this damn monkey I cannot tell you. In the states everything is so hermetically sealed, ergonomically designed, safety first blah blah blah. In China, if you wanna tango with some monkeys, no steel bars included, step right up. I didn't know if we would scare off the little guy, so I snapped this shot, of an apparently solitary monkey, from a good distance away:

Some members of our group were a little wary of our fellow primates, but I for one wanted to interact with the little guy/get close enough to get a good picture for you guys. I'm always thinking about you. Just prior to sauntering up to this monkey, two young Chinese guys started walking relatively close to us. They were carrying some nice cameras and had a bag of snacks. Had.

If I can leave you with one lasting thought from this blog, let it be this: "Monkeys are goddamned thugs."

This monkey, with absolutely zero fear, had the audacity, nay, the temerity to challenge a group of his evolutionary superiors:

He shamelessly circled his prey, paying us no regard:

Then he struck. It was swift, it was merciless, and by god was it effective. He snatched this poor traveler's bag of food like it was nothing. Resistance was futile. The battle was lost. Monkeys:1, Humans: 0.

The monkey then flaunted his victory, but not in a "beating his chest, hootin' and hollerin'" kind of way, no, that would be barbaric. He coolly and viciously enjoyed the fruits of his thuggish labor, tearing open the packaging like a pro. This clearly was not his first snack-jacking. He dined with a look of steel and malice, breaking through any and all language barriers and decreeing with his fiery gaze alone, "This is my hood, this is my food, try me. I dare you."

Just then he looked further up the path with the slightest bit of hesitation. No heist this big would remain a secret in the tight-knit communities of monkey-dom. Everyone was gonna want a slice. 

Monkey Thug #1 quickly took the best of his loot and took off. We thought we were in the clear. I bet in some way or another, he chuckled at our ignorance as he meandered away. He knew what we didn't, the whole forest was coming down on us:

Scores of monkey thugs appeared from all directions. They descended on the remnants of the food and began to bicker amongst themselves. Factional rivalries developed, coups d'etat were staged. It's complicated, and I'm not gonna go into it (I think my subconscious is repressing the memories, AP Psych shout-out), but to summarize: The monkeys stole all their food, and are much more intimidating than you'd think. I was worried that at any second one of these 20lb monkeys would think I was trying to be a hero and claw my face off. Thoroughly defeated, our pack of humans ventured away from the monkey marauders. 

 We walked a bit further up the path and saw a sign that said, "Don't feed the wild monkeys" that had been torn down and was in pretty bad shape. I can only assume the monkeys conspired to commit this vandalism, used their freakish monkey strength to tear down the sign, and then lied in wait, preparing for their next unknowing victims. Thugs.

Once we were safely out of the monkey danger zone, we started to climb a bit and saw some more very scenic views. We stopped at this one and rested for about an hour, talking about anything and everything while we looked upon some of the best Zhangjiajie had to offer:

We climbed some more before realizing it was lunch time, and the only way back out of this area was through areas controlled by none other than, the monkeys. Maybe it was the fear and desperation in our eyes, or the fact that we concealed our food in our bags, or perhaps the monkeys had wreaked enough havoc for one morning, but they let us exit in peace.

After lunch we walked some more, and enjoyed the last couple hours we had left:

After three days of hiking, climbing mountains, riding cable-cars, and getting accosted by monkeys, it was time to say goodbye to our new friends and hop back on a train for the return trip. As I was leaving and reviewing the trip in my head, a line from a poem in one of the park restaurants kept resonating with me, "Though I may leave these peaks, I know they will never leave me." 

Hate to end it on a deep, philosophical note, so here's Old Man Bryan, showing off our appropriately sized tiny train beds.

PSA: Don't mess with monkeys. Just don't. They play by a different set of rules. I don't care how hardcore you think you are. Don't. Mess. With. Monkeys.